April 2008 Archives

And just as a reminder, Relay for Life is coming up soon. If you would like to donate or vising my team page, please click the link above.

In the spirit of the infamous Proust questionnaire, here you go. Now, occasionally I will fill out one of those watered down versions that are sent via email but this seemed to suit my mood and station in life right now. As if I have a station.

Though it seems as though I answered these questions with multiple answers, I really was only elaborating on my answer, for clarity. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Being able to truly let go and stop worrying, stop hurting, stop being afraid. And in that moment of letting go, knowing that I am held, loved, protected, and being able to relax enough to fall asleep.

What is your greatest fear?

That I will allow myself the luxury of relaxing enough to let the dark slip in again and it will be so insidious (as it always is) that I won't even recognize it until it is too late.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Marie Curie. She was trying to do and do for the greater good without regard to herself and, in the end, it killed her.

Which living person do you most admire?

I don't really have a "hero".

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

The ferocity of my anger. .

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Manipulation, whether it is emotional or physical, conscious or subconscious.

What is your greatest extravagance?

That I spend a lot of time gaming.

What is your favorite journey?

One without a destination or a time limit. Just give me the open road and I'm gone.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Patience. If you wait around forever for people to realize the best course of action, you end up being a very tired, very trod-upon, very old doormat.

On what occasion do you lie?

When it would be crueler to tell the truth.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Everything.

Which living person do you most despise?

There is no one person. Collectively, the ignorant, the intolerant, the selfish, the shameless ... those who choose their own pleasure over the feelings of the helpless and small, over the future of our planet.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Fuck me Mary. Wicked. Dammit. Heh.

What is your greatest regret?

That all my life I have blamed myself for the actions of others. I'm still working on that.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I have to say three. My children, even though they drive me nuts now, taught me how to love unconditionally. And my T, well, he is teaching me that I deserve to be loved. For that, I will be forever grateful.

Which talent would you most like to have?

The ability to roll into a ball, like an armadillo, whenever I feel attacked.

What is your current state of mind?

Anxious, exhausted, agitated, resigned. Pretty much a constant, really.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

Which family? My children and myself, it would be that we didn't have to worry so much about money. The rest of them? That we could go back and do it all again ... this time with proper diagnosis, medication and therapy (for our parents, too) ... in other words, without all the dysfunction.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Going back to school for my Masters. Walking across that stage so they could put my hood on was an amazing moment.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Knowing my luck, myself.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

Not sure I would want to come back. Maybe as a butterfly. Something short lived yet free.

What is your most treasured possession?

My own bathroom. You have no idea.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

The overwhelming realization that you are powerless to change anything. .

Where would you like to live?

Somewhere peaceful where you can see a billion, trillion stars at night. Where you don't have to worry about someone trying to come into your home and hurt you. Oh, with bandwidth.

What is your favorite occupation?

Education, whether through music, painting, writing or direct teaching.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My silence.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Intelligence, honesty, loyalty, compassion, generosity of spirit.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Intelligence, honesty, loyalty, compassion, generosity of spirit. 

What do you most value in your friends?

See above.

Who are your favorite writers? 

Not fair to ask the librarian!

Poetry: Louise Gluck, Sharon Olds, Margaret Atwood,  Stevie Smith, Sylvia Plath, Langston Hughes, Dr. Seuss, Shel Silverstein, e.e. cummings, Anne Sexton, Lucille Clifton (think an older, more blunt Rite Dove), "Famous" Seamus Heaney, Charles Simic.

Novelists (including juvenile lit.):  Anne M. Martin, Natalie Babbitt, Wilson Rawls, Sharon Creech, John Irving, Robert A. Heinlein,  Douglas Adams, George Orwell, Samuel Beckett, Virginia Woolf, Kurt Vonnegut, Linda Sue Park, Bruce Brooks, Sir Arthur C. Clarke, Terry Pratchett, Isaac Asimov and, again, Margaret Atwood (I can't help it, she makes me think that I might actually be able to write.).

This is merely a partial list ... this could take weeks.

What are your favorite names? 

I like the quaint antiquity and uniqueness of biblical and ethnic names and the strength of family names, not so much names that are made up. And misspelling just to be different? What was I are you thinking?

What is it that you most dislike?

False hope. Having faith, only to be betrayed. Being forgotten, dismissed as insignificant.
Suffering. Injustice.

How would you like to die?

Quickly, once I have actually finished something. Lord knows I don't kneed to be stressed out about things I can't finish in the afterlife, too.

What is your motto?

Cry a river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT.

When I Close My Eyes
by Jim Papoulis

When I close my eyes I can see,
When I close my eyes I'm alive,
When I close my eyes then I can see
And I am not afraid.

When I try not to see the reasons why,
If I ever could understand,
I would find the hope to let me try
And I am not afraid.

Take me to the river, take me to the sea,
Climb the highest mountain
And go there with me.
When I close my eyes then I can see
And I am not afraid.

Now I am learning the magic within me
and that is the reason I am standing so tall.
Deep in my heart is a voice that is speaking,
If I keep believing then I will not fall.

Take me to where the wind blows,
Take me to the sun.
Take me to the river that flows to the sea.
When I try to see the reasons why,
If I ever could understand.
I would find the hope to let me try
And I am not afraid.


from SOUNDS OF A BETTER WORLD
ed. by Francisco J. Nunez



Sung by an incredibly talented group of young singers, of course that brought tears to my eyes. My daughter was part of the older group, the Youth Chorale, who followed the littler ones. I'm glad I came out of my routine enough to let her join the Choral Society. She obviously loves singing and has great respect for the music they chose. I watched proudly as they sang songs in German, Latin, Hebrew and finished up with a good ole' American Folk Song. She stood tall, strong, brave ... I thought she looked very professional. Was that my girl?  *checks program* Yeppers. Who knew?

A follow-up to a book I read to my students last month, Ice Bear ... come on, people, we have got to do something to ensure their survival. I will be linking to more anti-consumerism, pro-environmental issues. I want my kids to have a future and there should be polar bears in it.