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November 8, 2007
Way to go, loser
Assemblies went well, except I forgot to plan what I was going to say.
Reading the names isn't just reading the names but introducing myself
and our school to new parents, as well as explaining just what I'm
giving awards for. As I'm not big on public speaking, I felt petty
overwhelmed facing that crowd, but we got through it.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. I was alone again and it turns out I'll be alone tomorrow and possibly next week. I don't see a solution, but that's not my job. My job is to serve our students and teachers and I'm doing that to the best of my ability.
Speaking of which, I cataloged another box of books today. I'm tired of waiting for it to get done, tired of tripping over boxes. Pretty tired of it all, really.
After school, we had people on campus to give us our flu shots. Once that was over, I went back to the media center and worked until about 6, when my kids made me drag my butt out of there.
On the way home, they reminded me we needed cat food and milk. We were listening to music and joking, actually having a really pleasant car ride, the first in a long time. When we got to to grocery store, we decided we would get some toppings and sauce for pizza, milk, cat food, salad ... something for dinner tonight and to get us to the weekend when I can actually go shopping. We get to the checkout line and the girl starts emptying the carriage while I get out my purse and open it to find ... no wallet. I have a check book but the wallet, with my debit card and my license, are not there.
A nauseous feeling washes over me as I realize I have left it at school. I spend the next 10 minutes apologizing to the clerk, to my kids, to anyone that will listen. Flashback to 8 years ago and I'm getting us groceries on a credit card that was no good, run up by a loser (now)x that didn't care if we could pay our bills, as long as he ate well. When the clerk said the card was denied, I slunk out of the store with my tail between my legs, trying to explain to my 6 & 8 year old why we had to leave the groceries there.
While I am worlds away from that, the shame doesn't diminish with time. In one small mistake, I suddenly became the loser I've been trying so hard to prove I'm not.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. I was alone again and it turns out I'll be alone tomorrow and possibly next week. I don't see a solution, but that's not my job. My job is to serve our students and teachers and I'm doing that to the best of my ability.
Speaking of which, I cataloged another box of books today. I'm tired of waiting for it to get done, tired of tripping over boxes. Pretty tired of it all, really.
After school, we had people on campus to give us our flu shots. Once that was over, I went back to the media center and worked until about 6, when my kids made me drag my butt out of there.
On the way home, they reminded me we needed cat food and milk. We were listening to music and joking, actually having a really pleasant car ride, the first in a long time. When we got to to grocery store, we decided we would get some toppings and sauce for pizza, milk, cat food, salad ... something for dinner tonight and to get us to the weekend when I can actually go shopping. We get to the checkout line and the girl starts emptying the carriage while I get out my purse and open it to find ... no wallet. I have a check book but the wallet, with my debit card and my license, are not there.
A nauseous feeling washes over me as I realize I have left it at school. I spend the next 10 minutes apologizing to the clerk, to my kids, to anyone that will listen. Flashback to 8 years ago and I'm getting us groceries on a credit card that was no good, run up by a loser (now)x that didn't care if we could pay our bills, as long as he ate well. When the clerk said the card was denied, I slunk out of the store with my tail between my legs, trying to explain to my 6 & 8 year old why we had to leave the groceries there.
While I am worlds away from that, the shame doesn't diminish with time. In one small mistake, I suddenly became the loser I've been trying so hard to prove I'm not.
