September 2006 Archives

It's the perfect solution!! The nadir of the x's obsession with a certain idiotic television show AND his addiction to porn ... it's ... too horrible to even contemplate.

That may just be what the x's downward spiral needs to finally send him over the edge. If only he knew how to use a computer ... or had a computer ... or had any sense at all.

There is something to be said for being an orphan.

The phone just rang.

ME (checking caller ID and wondering why she is calling at 10:15 pm): Hello? What's wrong?
MOM: Didn't you pick up the phone when your sister called?
ME: Um, I didn't know she called. The kids have been on the phone.
MOM: Well, she did. You reallly should call her. We just got off the phone.
ME (tense and tired): I'll call her tomorrow. What's up?
MOM: Well, the baby was born early. It wasn't due until November.
ME: ...
MOM: The shower isn't until next week but of course, they will have to cancel it now. I just put a check in the mail, I kind of wish I had waited to mail it now. ....
ME: ...
MOM: We don't even know if it will make it. If it does, it will have a lot of problems. She should have had an amniocentisis.
ME: ... Umm, Ma?
MOM: Yeah?
ME: What baby?
MOM: Sean's baby (Sean being my nephew in CA. Last time I saw him was in 1992. He was about 4).
ME: Sean is married?
MOM: No, they were going to get married in February, after the baby was born. Now, who knows if they will even get married.
ME (becoming painfully aware of how out of the loop I am): So Sean has a girlfriend ... and she was going to have a baby in November. Umm, Ma? (she makes me say 'um' a lot) Why didn't I know anything about this?
MOM: I told you about that!
ME: Umm, no, I had no idea Sean even had a girlfriend. You haven't talked about him in months (which is what happens when her children/grandchildren disappoint ... it's as though they don't exist).
MOM: I have too! He was at the wedding this summer, that was when I found out. (the wedding being the infamous Kelliot wedding, where she has many pictured of her and "all her grandkids". No my kids weren't there.)
ME: Umm, I wasn't at the wedding. This is news to me.
MOM: I know you weren't but I told you when I came home.
ME: (realizing she probably had the conversation with one of my kids, not me) I have NO IDEA what you are talking about mom.

(she then proceeds to tell me, in gory detail, everything she has, supposedly, already told me and details about the major health problems the baby will have and how it's too bad they didn't know she was going to be born deformed or they could have had an abortion but maybe it will work out that the baby doesn't survive and is it just me or did she just say she wants her great-grandchild to die??)

By this time, I'm disgusted and angry. For one, I teach kids that are born like that. I know they are not hopeless and I certainly don't think they should have been aborted.

(clicking on a link will take you to a spoiler ... you have been warned!!!)

Holy Crap!!!

Sad morning. Schumi made it official.

Monza was the perfect place for him to announce. Today made it 7 career wins for Schumi at the Italian Grand Prix. Is it the right time? I think he still had another couple of years in him but apparently Ferrari had other plans. Controversy about whose decision it really was but it was obvious to me that Michael was very emotional about announcing his decision.

*le sigh*

Who will I root for now? If (when, but it hasn't been announced yet) Kimi drives for Ferrari next year, I can put my allegiance behind him but, at the end of the day, it'll still be Ferrari I'm pulling for. I like Kimi but it will take me a while to get used to no Schumi.

I have no love lost for Luka de Montezemolo ... he seems to be the driving force behind the announced retirement and it's being regarded as a business decision. His forced celebration with Schumi at the end of the race gave me the willies. He obviously does not want to be seen as the bad guy here but Schumi's face, and the Speed TV crew's commentary, said differently.

THIS is what my position is ... putting others needs first, destined to be thought of last. The one that is blamed, denied, ignored, forgotten. Never complaining, always condescended to, convinced into complacency. The listener that is never listened to. The emotional cistern that everyone draws strength from but never replenishes.

What am I hungry for? Doesn't matter, I have to bend my hunger to other's tastes. Did I have an opinion I wanted to voice? Why bother, it's not going to be heard. No wonder I can never make decisions ... I don't bother wanting things I can't have so I'm out of practice voicing my needs.

Well, I give up. I can't do this. Not tonight. Not this week. Not anymore.