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April 10, 2006


I accept less respect than I deserve because I don't really think I deserve all that much.

I put up with being treated like dirt because I think that I don't deserve better.

My question is this ...

Do I continue to look the other way or confront?

Do I bite my tongue and assume responsibility for something that I don't think I am to blame for just to keep the peace or do I risk being told that my feelings are really not all that important, that I really do deserve to be treated like shit.

Because I've spent most of my life being told that shit was all I deserved, and, though I go out of my way to show others respect, I am not shown respect in return. I don't get it.

And so I take it. And I swallow it down. And I assume it's my fault.

I take it. And it's slowly killing me.

UPdate: 3:27 am and I'm STILL up. Have done everything to try to relax (and I mean everything) and am absolutely sick to my stomach. Something is eating at me, something is not right, and I'm not able to break this, to break through. Not able to reach out, everything slips through my fingers. My fingers clench, unclench, fists balled, a ball of rage in the pit of my stomach. Living in the pit of fear. 3:33 and my skin is crawling.

It should not feel like this.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Prosemonkey published on April 10, 2006 10:48 PM.

Really funny was the previous entry in this blog.

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