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August 21, 2005

Floating on the stream of warm impermanence

I've been accused of being cryptic and maybe this is one of those times. Maybe not. I guess it all depends on if you recognize the title of this post.

If you don't, yeah, I can see why you might think I'm being cryptic. I prefer to think of it as breaking the news slowly.

If you do recognize the title, though, I get the feeling you will be singing along with me before long.

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild.
A million dead-end streets
And every time I thought I'd got it made,
It seemed the taste was not so sweet.

So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker.
I'm much too fast to take that test ...

Oh, yes ... Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. After 4 years of building Wordwhores and 5 years of blogging my little fingers off at Absolute Blog, it was time for a change. I started that blog and the website with the intention of giving my certain brand of insanity a forum for expression. I didn't want to be a richer (wo)man. I didn't beg for visitors or links ... I just was there. It was my home when this home got to be too much, a place for me to escape to. Strange as that may seem, I needed a place where I could see evidence that I actually existed. Wordwhores/Absolute Serenity/Absolute Blog was it.

Now I'm just gonna have to be a different (wo)man ... a prosemonkey, to be exact. Yeah, time may change me, but I can't trace time.

If you aren't singing along by now, I'm very disappointed.

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence.
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same.

So much is still the same yet, so much has changed. I have changed. No matter how uncomfortable it may have been, how painful it was, how long it took, I have changed my life and been changed by this experience, this blogging thing. I've been alternately accused of seeking attention and then of exploitation of myself and my family. Eh, whatever. I talk about what is important to ME. I don't actively seek fame or links or interviews or ANYTHING but serenity ...

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through.

I've been doing this for a while, through getting my divorce and Masters, two of the most important documents I have ever received. Hmm, as a side note, wouldn't it be cool if when your divorce was final, you could have a ceremonial 'walk', a graduation. You could receive a certificate suitable for framing, shake the judge's hand (or slip him some tongue, depending on how excited you are about it ... my judge would have gotten a lap dance) and switch your tassle from one side to the other afterwards which, I guess, would be akin to removing your wedding band. Afterwards you could go out for dinner and get presents (oh, yes, the presents are the best part) and you could actually celebrate your graduation into the next phase of your life.

Since my divorce, life has ch-ch-changed so much. I began a new career, gained multiple responsibilities, moved my family from the house of pain to the house of the pink bathroom but I have done even more than that. I have begun to have some fun to make up for the 15 years of a joyless marriage. At times, I forget that I'm 41 and, honestly, I don't feel it. Rollercoasters, video games, amusement parks, zoos, loud music ... think this is a midlife crisis? If so, I don't want it to stop.

Don't tell them to grow up and out of it
(turn and face the stranger)
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time.

I have a strange fascination, fascinating me ... a fascination for change. Onward and upward, I say, and I'm taking my words with me. It's time to leave Wordwhores behind, time to let my words start growing into something new. Changes are taking the pace I'm going through.

This place all started with NaNoWriMo. I needed a home for my (as yet) unfinished novel. This place was a gift and I moved right in and kicked my shoes off, not quite sure what else I could use it for but really liking the Moveable Type interface and the CSS format. I began seeing the possibilities. I realized that I also liked the gentler voice I was sharing here. It was more positive, more centered ... and I'm not alone here. There were so many times that I felt absolutely alone on Wordwhores. I've never felt that way here. When NaNoWriMo ended, I asked if I could keep it, maybe grow it, and here I am. Ah, the changes I'm going through.

If you came here via Wordwhores or Absolute Blog, I would adore you forever if you would change your bookmarks and links to reflect the new name and URL. Over the next few days/weeks/months, this will actually grow into a website, with poetry, short stories, artwork, etc. It's all going to be here on Prosemonkey. The same site, grown up but still with the same unapologetic attitude. With MUCHO help from one of the most talented monkeys I know, the adorable and spunky Stylemonkey, this place will be stylin', bay-bee!!

Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
(turn and face the stranger)
Pretty soon now you're gonna get
a little older!
Time may change me
But I can't trace time.
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Prosemonkey published on August 21, 2005 12:17 AM.

Let the self-flagellation begin! was the previous entry in this blog.

Proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree is the next entry in this blog.

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