Day whatever...

I had actually been looking forward to karate this week. Jazz and I rarely get to take a long car ride together and I figured we would have a good chance to talk and connect. We stopped on the way out of town to get my coffee and a box of Buffalo Bites, which was a poor choice in retrospect. I wasn't able to eat anything before class because, well, I only have two hands and trying to stick a spork into a piece of chicken at 79 mph isn't something I've mastered yet. Now, if we had been in the van, I wouldn't have cared but this is my new car with it's non-chicken splattered interior and it was too chancey.

Now, this was enough to make me grumpy but, add that to trying to get through and out of Greenville traffic at that time of day didn't help. Then, to make things worse, once she had eaten her fill, Jazz put the chair back down, torned toward the door and napped. I don't begrudge her a nap when she's tired, and of course she was tired after having a sleep over the night before, but I guess I just expected the night to be something more than me driving for an hour and a half with no one to talk to.

Expectations ... another thing I'll have to explore. I have this vision of how I would like things to go and I get my hopes up and then have a hard time recovering when things don't work out that way ... and they NEVER do, so you would think I would have learned by now.

When she and I got there, we found out that we were going to be taking the class alone since everyone else had showed up on Tuesday night. DORKS ... yeah, I said it! Wanna make something of it? Don't make me go yellow belt on your ass!!!

It was kind of nice taking class next to her, though it was probably more enjoyable for me than her. Ok, I really enjoyed it more because she had to listen to "Are you going to let a yellow belt beat you?" and "Are you going to let your MOM show you up???" She was a little more talkative on the drive home and when we got home, I found that email waiting for me so the day actually ended on a positive note.

Today was a different story. I was up early reading but Jazz didn't wake up until almost noon. Then a friend of hers called to ask if she wanted to go to the movies. I was going to take her out for Chinese but there go those expectations again. See, I told you I don't learn.

By the time she got home, my mood was shot and she was tired again, so we settled in for an afternoon of playing Pikmin. Before I knew it, the day was over and we hadn't accomplished anything again. No call tonight or reply email either ... and I'm SO not in the mood to go near any of that.

You know, I thought this would be easy ... rummage through a little emotional baggage while my son is away since I have to think about it anyway, but it's proving to be harder than I thought. Maybe because my son is away and that's got me out of sorts? Viscious circle?

He drives me nuts, tries my nerves and makes me wonder how I can go on at times but after 13 years of being the only one responsible for him 24/7, I am having a hard time adjusting.