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August 10, 2005
Back to normal...?
Let's try to forget that yesterday I suddenly became a big ball of cheese, shall we?
I'm not to be fucked with today.
Why? Maybe because I didn't get to bed until somewhere about 4 this morning trying to straighten out what fucked up thing that suddenly started happening with my computer. Long story short, I tried installing a program and I suddenly went from 30 processes running to 360 processes sometime around midnight and, though I tried to shut down the humane way, I eventually had to just go Old Yeller on its ass and then try to backtrack and clean up the blood spatters.
Maybe because I got a weepy phone call from my mother at 8 this morning because her air conditioning is out and she is still trying to get over her trip and, though she didn't want to get into it about how my son behaved on the trip, guess what? Yup, she did! Gosh, who would have thunk it? I had to hear how everyone said how disrespectful and moody he was and that he needs more discipline and everyone else's kid behaves better than mine and apparently, mine is the Spawn of Satan himself. I AM A BAD MOTHER, OK?! I GET IT! I. GET. IT.
Maybe because when said Spawn of Satan dragged himself out of bed at noon this and then rolled his eyes at me when I asked him to get his dirty clothes to the laundry room, I sat him down to have a little 'talk' with him. Only my little 'talk' lasted a good hour and I said everything and he said nothing and now he's pissed off at me AND sullen and WELCOME HOME!! DIDJA MISS THAT?!?!
So I'm sitting here, where everywhere I turn is another responsibility staring me in the face, where every promise I made to myself at the beginning of the summer reminds me that I didn't keep it, where I keep finding another failure to add to the pile and I just want to take a blowtorch and have a frickin' bonfire.
And I'm unable to escape. I can't take off for a ride. I can't hide in my room. I can't go out and do something for me. I can't even have a proper nervous breakdown anymore.
Responsibility sucks. Who did I piss off to end up with this Sisyphean existence? I never said I wanted a rock at the top of the hill. For all I care, it can stay at the bottom and I'll just crawl back under it, thank you very much.
Oh, and pee ess ... YEAH, I'm swearing like a sailor. You wanna make something of that?! HUNH!?!? BRING IT ON!! I'll take out my yellow belt and ... well, ok, so maybe I can't do much with it but hit you with it but I'LL DO IT!
