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August 1, 2005
Anatomy of an absence ... day one ...
I crawled into bed an hour or so ago, determined to just let today go. It wasn't a bad day, really, it just was. I'm tired and distracted, frustrated beyond reason about nothing at all. I figured sleep would help but as I lay there, I realized it wouldn't come. Let's recap the day.
Jazz and I are used to being alone, especially on the weekends, so she did what she would normally do on a Sunday when her brother isn't here. She made Cinnamon rolls. And she ate most of them.
I, on the other hand, did what I normally do. I checked my email, read a few blogs and settled down to watch the morning episode of the Gilmore Girls. I was kind of hoping for a call from either my mother or Joseph once they got to New Hampshire. Since this is his first time away from home, I would think that my mom or my sister would be sensitive to the fact that I might like to know that THEY GOT THERE ALIVE!
Yes, I know, if anything had happened, I would have been the first person to get a call ... but that didn't keep me from watching over the news all day and jumping every time the phone rang. I tried to distract myself by playing video games but I only succeeded to frustrate myself more.
To make matters worse, my daughter's friend kept coming over from next door to hang out and watch us play games, which amounted to "Ooo, what are you playing? How do you play that? I've never played that before *HINT HINT*". In the next, breath she started telling me how to play, which pisses me off to no end. What is is with kids when they watch adults play video games?? Don't they understand that WE MADE THE GAMES AND WE DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD HOW TO PLAY THEM BY YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS?!?!?! Oops, sorry, channeling my grandpa there.
By dinner time I was about out of my skin and Jazz was pestering me to go out shopping so we hit the road, heading for Rugged Wear. We shopped waaaaaay longer than we should have but we got some cute things for Jazz, all HALF OFF the clearance price. Seriously, when you can get a t-shirt for $1 and capris for $1.50, how can you go wrong?!?!
I'll tell you. Shop for 3 hours past dinner time and then realize you still have to go out to buy groceries. Can you say impulse buying?
By the time we got home, I realized I had stayed out later than I wanted to. I was thinking about T calling on his way home, thinking that Joseph would call me any time and they didn't and I totally lost track of time. I forgot all about watching INXS, which I've been watching every week, which pissed me off to no end. Actually, Jazz said we missed it and I got caught up in putting the groceries away. She put on "Who's line is it anyway?" and sat down to watch. It wasn't until I was done with the groceries and making her dinner that I looked up at the clock and realized that there were still 5 minutes left of INXS. I made her switch and I had a chance to see the very end and what's coming up tomorrow. Sheesh, what a loser.
I can't stand how distracted I am. I just want to know how he is. I worry about him being with my family for a week. I really worry about him being with my mom for a week. I know he can handle it but I don't even want to think about the damage they could be doing. It may sound alarmist but, seriously, I wouldn't be as fucked up as I am now if it weren't for them.
Guess it's a waiting game.
