May 2005 Archives

Yup, that is the question, folks.

I'm sitting here, next to tears, struggling with learning CSS and changing the design of this blog and I have to take a breather. It makes me wonder why I am putting so much time into getting everything exactly right? What does it matter? Do you care? Does how this page looks change the quality of the writing here? Will it bring in more eyeballs? Is that why I push myself so hard?

Hardly. I build websites because I like seeing something concrete that I made with my own two little hands. Pretty funny thing to say about something on the web but there it is. I look at a website as a work of art, something that I envision and create from my head, an experience that I can give viewers that doesn't overwhelm the content I try to provide. I'm hoping the design will only enhance the experience readers have when they come to my sites. Now, if only I could get them to come to my sites.

But really ... does it matter? I don't create for anyone but myself so why does it seem to matter so much what other people think of me or that I leave something concrete with my name on it? I get the feeling that it's more than just a need to succeed or be heard.

Though it seems as though I've fallen off the face of the earth (and, in truth, sometimes it feels that way from my end), I'm here. Lots of things on my mind, in my life, in my way, stopping me from writing. The biggest barrier was school but, about half a million words later, I'm done with that ... with a 96.68%, thank you very much.

I am planning a redesign here, hoping to combine my two blogs into one ... just not quite able to wrap my head around that concept yet. It makes me feel stupid, also, to just be learning CSS now at this point in my web career so, needless to say, I have about a billion questions to ask my favorite monkey. Guess I better buy stock in bananas ...